Tuesday, September 11, 2007

do you? will you?

sexay chan* says:
err going to a mentally retarded children centre
sexay chan* says:
he was asking wther anyone going to help out anot
sexay chan* says:
err...the doc said help the ppl clean up wor
sexay chan* says:
ie wash hair
sexay chan* says:
clean their wounds
sexay chan* says:
my class like not many ppl interested la
sexay chan says:
mostly aunties
sexay chan* says:
the doc said the retards are really bad...
sexay chan* says:
some have to be tied

i have been to these centers before. or should i call them homes? i went there not out of my own free will or sudden mother teresa hormones. usually people end up there because they are asked to (and you know what people can say in front and behind of you sometimes if you decline these invitations). some go for the sake of going(aka marks allocation). even sometimes when i see pageants on tv, i can't help but wonder "do all these ladies really have fun or they have no choice but to plaster fun"

i know i am being so terrible here. people might be all there for a good cause and i am doubting them.

i don't know bout you guys but everytime i go to these places. as much i would love to help out. as much i would love to give them as much love as i give to my loved ones. i find it so difficult. cause for one, i don't know how to react. you can be all nice and friendly but sometimes there a certain barrier. a tiny barrier that makes me feel stone and weak.

all you need to do is hug them and give them a bit of your love.share your happiness.

i really find it difficult!! maybe i am just so not used to it. or maybe i am so not a caring person on the inside. i feel sad for them of course but it's like "howw???" am i just suppose to hug? once, one of them suddenly grabbed and will not let go. each moment the grip was getting harder until one of the workers had to pull him away. once more, this guy came and shake my hand. and shake again few moments later. then come back to shake again.

all the time i had the "okay what am i suppose to do look". i can shake his hands 10000 times. but i just don't know what to do. am i suppose to make small talk. do i share my sweets with him? i don't want to just hug and then leave and never come back forever. to me sometimes it feels like some fake "just do cause you are supposed to" and the fact i know that i most prob won't go back there although it's near my home. (okay fine i did not, i only went there to give stuffs like rice or necessities that my parents buy for them once in a while)

i really want to know what people actually feel when they go to these homes. i see my aunt and uncle religiously doing all these, including their 10 year old daughter(her 16 year old can't be bothered and always kacau me for fashion updates although i am the last person she should ask)maybe it's the visual. maybe i am scared. maybe i just need to push all those aside and think like i am meeting a normal person.

besides meeting a normal person can be 10 times scarier. since they will judge you by the very 1st handshake. they will characterize and judge you just by looking at your clothes, the way you speak, the words you use. basically everything and it takes like umpteen effort to keep it that way. not that i am saying mental retarded's are stupid but...i am sure they are certainly more genuine then tons of people out there.

sigh i don't know what am i saying anymore. just this is one of the fear or i don't know what to do things. it won't be easy for me but as sexay chan says "well...we can try..or at least learn.." mom says "it's the matter of getting used to it, just go to more homes" well...i will be looking forward to this sunday then.

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