do you? will you?

sexay chan* says:
err going to a mentally retarded children centre
sexay chan* says:
he was asking wther anyone going to help out anot
sexay chan* says:
err...the doc said help the ppl clean up wor
sexay chan* says:
ie wash hair
sexay chan* says:
clean their wounds
sexay chan* says:
my class like not many ppl interested la
sexay chan says:
mostly aunties
sexay chan* says:
the doc said the retards are really bad...
sexay chan* says:
some have to be tied

i have been to these centers before. or should i call them homes? i went there not out of my own free will or sudden mother teresa hormones. usually people end up there because they are asked to (and you know what people can say in front and behind of you sometimes if you decline these invitations). some go for the sake of going(aka marks allocation). even sometimes when i see pageants on tv, i can't help but wonder "do all these ladies really have fun or they have no choice but to plaster fun"

i know i am being so terrible here. people might be all there for a good cause and i am doubting them.

i don't know bout you guys but everytime i go to these places. as much i would love to help out. as much i would love to give them as much love as i give to my loved ones. i find it so difficult. cause for one, i don't know how to react. you can be all nice and friendly but sometimes there a certain barrier. a tiny barrier that makes me feel stone and weak.

all you need to do is hug them and give them a bit of your love.share your happiness.

i really find it difficult!! maybe i am just so not used to it. or maybe i am so not a caring person on the inside. i feel sad for them of course but it's like "howw???" am i just suppose to hug? once, one of them suddenly grabbed and will not let go. each moment the grip was getting harder until one of the workers had to pull him away. once more, this guy came and shake my hand. and shake again few moments later. then come back to shake again.

all the time i had the "okay what am i suppose to do look". i can shake his hands 10000 times. but i just don't know what to do. am i suppose to make small talk. do i share my sweets with him? i don't want to just hug and then leave and never come back forever. to me sometimes it feels like some fake "just do cause you are supposed to" and the fact i know that i most prob won't go back there although it's near my home. (okay fine i did not, i only went there to give stuffs like rice or necessities that my parents buy for them once in a while)

i really want to know what people actually feel when they go to these homes. i see my aunt and uncle religiously doing all these, including their 10 year old daughter(her 16 year old can't be bothered and always kacau me for fashion updates although i am the last person she should ask)maybe it's the visual. maybe i am scared. maybe i just need to push all those aside and think like i am meeting a normal person.

besides meeting a normal person can be 10 times scarier. since they will judge you by the very 1st handshake. they will characterize and judge you just by looking at your clothes, the way you speak, the words you use. basically everything and it takes like umpteen effort to keep it that way. not that i am saying mental retarded's are stupid but...i am sure they are certainly more genuine then tons of people out there.

sigh i don't know what am i saying anymore. just this is one of the fear or i don't know what to do things. it won't be easy for me but as sexay chan says "well...we can try..or at least learn.." mom says "it's the matter of getting used to it, just go to more homes" well...i will be looking forward to this sunday then.

repetition

small talk: my last few toes on my left foot is still numb from last Wed's function. will my toes drop off? *laughs* plus i realized that...although my phone died that day and we had no watches..i forgot i could have checked the time using my tamagotchi-_-''

i don't know bout how everyone goes about their daily lives. but ever since i started working sometimes going to work on monday is a drag. not that i loathe working but the weekend seems to pass so much faster now. so much lepaking to do, so many people i should spend more time with and so little time.

it was raining this morning. found this beside the dustbin outside my house. hopefully it will bring some light to monday blues esp. since i will be alone at opis again..-_-'

red compliments green

can't really imagine myself walking around looking like a light up christmas tree though.continued my Cleo. did not go for yoga-_- could not wake up at all.

it is apparently "Green Month"!

but i bet half the people prefer this green!: P

Went for Korean food today. It's called Korea House at SS2. It is opposite the row of bridal shops. The food was really not bad plus the service was good(they help you bbq! though my brother preferred doing it himself laughs) although the people there looked like gangsters. Laugh. we went there cause dear brother was dying for BBQ and thought of going korean instead of the usual Jap. Beef tongue is better to go for Jap cause it is marinated in sauce for Jap style but lemon for korean(this is acc. to my brother, i just could taste the diff. but God knows what made it) but for Beef Ribeye, you guys can come back here : D it was THICK compared to Jap: D the pork meat was sweet though.

Korean food is never cheap coming at RM5 per bowl of rice: D but the again, you can always call less cause they always come with these tons of side dish which are refillable : D and somehow the tea had a hint of coffee taste in it. i loved the bibimbap and the kimchi soup: D and the steam egg. it taste better than cawanmushi(am i going to convert?!!) it comes free with the bbq: D: D : D all in all, it was worth a try for this shop : D another one would be at Mt.Kiara area if i wasn't wrong...anyway no pics cause i had no cam. not even phone and my drawing would do no justice T_T

oh. as all of you know, my brother is a "tong nasi"(fan tong)
he ate 2 bowls of his "virgin" rice and he was still unsatisfied(certified ah pek ni)
so i had no choice. When my bibimbap came, i scooped out the rice that was underneath all the veggies to give it to him. the waiter saw what i was doing and said"miss, you have to mix it first"

"thanks..i know...i mean"

........-_- aiks. misunderstood tim.

yasumimasyo

slept the whole day. got grumpy every time someone asks me to do something that requires walking. ate like a pig: D. dropped off a cheque. went to 1-u just to buy movie tix-_-' watched UDON(i like it. it's a typical silly jap movie: ) maybe review later or get the DVD from me)catch up with my animes and stay at home dad jap drama. played Facebook(gila edy play until-_-)msn-ed few knsais. read cleo. realized i have no colour sense.

ah....useless days are so fine.

big day out

2.16am

just reached home*plonk*

i learnt few things today.

1. i need a watch. all of our handphones died at the very moment the show was going to start.....-_-thus no clock, thus i was checking like every second to make sure i did not miss any timing.

2. even if you don't know your facts right. cause things might change at the last minute and i don't know head. don't know tail. no matter what, don't frown and stammer like some idiot. even though the answer " i will have to get back to you, i have to reconfirm with 40tripleD"(cause it's her function indirectly, i was just going along for...i don't know..laughs..learning?) sounds stupid and might as well they ask her in the first place. don't freaking look like you are lost and from another dimension-_-

3. dare to speak up. do not let them bully you. my fault larh ni-_- but weirdly, it paid in the end of the night. the fish with mussels....rocksss : D: D: D

4. smiling.nodding and shaking everyone's hands is actually pretty tiring..and very "virusly" hahahaha: D

5. making small talk is the start of everything-_-'' and one of the most difficult thing to do on the other hand.

6. BUY A FREAKIN DECENT FLAT SHOE. wahlau. high heels don't do any justice man. my feet are deadlorh. i cannot feel my last 2 toes for both feet. when i put my feet down, the tapak hurts so bad and my right tapak feels as if there is a blister until numb di. every step i took was so painful that i was walking like some penguin walking on hot stones or something. it was sooo painful that i shed a few tears at the "resting area" and the oil on my face stung my eye making more tears drop..until one waiter saw and pitied me-_- alamak....it's my feet.....sweat.

7. i guess it's my fate that i will always kena bully..this is diff. from reason no.3...-_- as i was standing at the sides near the kitchen. this waiter who i have seen a few times actually....show me the food that was being served and gimme that KNS LOOK. the " i know you want it" plus a : D face........i don't know whether i should whack him at that very moment.

8. 40tripleD is the best: D she tahaned all my lapsap qns. we scrapped through the day and poor goldfish, here we are suffering, she too was suffering hahahahaha: D we managed to survive(though i had a few mistakes T_T) and we will survive T__T

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it's a big day today. hopefully we don't screw up-_-'
time flies so fast too. i better sit down and re-think of my path.

kyu ju kyu

no prizes for guessing how is my test: D

i thought i would do really badly as the 30% conversation was reallyreally bad. i was "stoning" and though i understood whatever she was asking. i was talking gibberish. she had to correct me on some of my conjunctions T_T but in the end she gave a 30/30. i think it's indirectly a "cheat" mark...but i guess everyone else got a 30 too.....maybe she counted the overall term talking thing...-_- i can talk and answer pretty fair in class..but when it comes to a one to one room thing...do you know how a robot looks like? that was how i looked like.

zero emotion...stoned look -_-

and i was being too honest and was being the usual kns chatterbox self...that lead to more questions...and yes, getting harder to answer cause i did not know how to explain that my workplace is a house turn office....hahahha-_- ownself find trouble.com.

i may look happy like the above but i was SO FREAKED OUT before the exam...you don't know how freaked i was....freaked until...i freaked everyone else. LOL. -_- sorry-desu. but all's well: D i made a very silly mistake..but....nvm: D: D: D i was at the brink of worrying that i would fail so..did not expect much.

at the end of the day, we listened to utada hikaru-first love(i think it's a tradition in ICLS-_-) to write the lyrics down and sing it later on. can die desu. dahlarh slow song, still can't read the words on time and furthermore damn hard to sing the song-_-

finished off the day yumcha-ing at Starbucks: D
talked and talked and talked. what a nice remedy after exam and during rain.
and no one believes me when i say " i was forced to come learn jap." hopefully my stubbornness will carry me throughout the course*laughs*

now that i have drank too much tea.....i can't sleep-_- sigh.

i am a happy person. yes i am.*rushes off to text someone*: D

p.s// Though a lot are continuing with the next level. Farah isn't. It's sad the fact that everyone has warmed up and the class can only get better*RIGHT?* and she has to go all the way to London to study-_- you do not stop a friend from doing what she wants but on the other hand, the friendship has to "end" as fast as it has started.The class is going to be pretty quiet without her laughter and sounds with willy. Hopefully 1 year ain't that long and thank God for msn and facebook.

P.s//*CLICK*cause i am gonna brainwash you to watch jap movies

same saturdays

end of the day update:

watched The Invasion

The Invasion basically tells about the mysterious crash of the space shuttle leads to the terrifying discovery that there is something alien within the wreckage. Those who come in contact with it are changing in ominous and inexplicable ways. Soon Washington D.C. psychiatrist Carol Bennell (Nicole Kidman) and her colleague Ben Driscoll (Daniel Craig) learn the shocking truth about the growing extraterrestrial epidemic: it attacks its victims while they sleep, leaving them physically unchanged but strangely unfeeling and inhuman. As the infection spreads, more and more people are altered and it becomes impossible to know who can be trusted. Now Carol's only hope is to stay awake long enough to find her young son, who may hold the key to stopping the devastating invasion.

of course i stole the summary from here

to me it felt very resident evil-ish. although at some point it really feels stupid like..."huh? outer space virus attack?" like out of a sudden? and the hell the way they spread their "virus" (by vomitting/spitting some goo into people's mouth..zzz) but on the other hand, if you really take it seriously, i cannot imagine the world succumbing to that. where there is no emotion. you are you but you are not you indirectly. ah...you will get my drift. it's like you just react when you need to react, but you don't show emotions. like some robotlarh. heck even robot got more feeling.

maybe the world will be a better place. everyone is like...zombie-ish, so it is a pretty fair place. everyday also hi bye hi bye. on the other hand, i rather have kns friends and people around, then people who has glass beads as their eyeballs. there was a "saying" in the movie that i really liked, which i of course can't remember it now for nuts. but it really made sense-_- it does. of course, the storyline is a lil cliche...(check out war of the worlds -_-) and of course, when there is a parent and a child, for sure they will focus what parents can do to save their own child...esp. mothers. (cause we don't have die hard female version)

all in all, catch the movie if you enjoy popcorn movies (means just watch don't have to think and analyze too much) . likes action. likes nicole kidman(that wil be my mom, she is so pretty -_-) and likes the small boy in the movie, Jackson Bond. uber cute: D: D: D: D

and i hate Vincci. always takde stock wan-_- mom got pissed at me always wearing my RM5 cheapo slippers. she's willing to fork out money for stingy ol' me. but every shoe that i took, she said "if you will wear that long term , i will chop my head off" meaning i won't cause either the fashion was too girlie and i only liked it at this moment of time or the heels are too high and i will chuck it one side once i realized how painful it is to walk the whole day with it -_-

and shoes that are decently okay....had no size. BLeah. is every girl on the planet like, size 5?! and the fact is every colour also don't have size 5. wthwthwth-_-

i am so on a shoe spree, suddenly i have this urge to withdraw a lot of money to buy all kinds of shoes *omg* better jampi myself to stop my insane thought before i really do it. *stares at mirror*

because yesterday i had one meal, today i must balance my food account: D
very long i did not eat dragon-i. suddenly brother decided to go in and have a munch again. his girlfriend's tummy really cannot fit much -_-
i lovelovelove the chilli and cuka: D wahahahah~ ate a lot of stuffs, but these are the few that i have never tried before.
mango pudding with extra mango and pamelo..colour's bit off..-_- anyway one bite and i was like "bittterrrrrrrr"!!! damn bitter the pamelo-_- maybe it's to compliment the mango more but...ergh-_-
some bake rice thing with mushroom, chicken, lap cheong..the works. this was not bad at all: D wahahah if anyone that likes cheese bake rice, can give this a go!! comes with a cute tub..that we can't take home -_-

after that we were at Bakerzin. my family can really eat and we can really spend just to eat-_-
oooo lala. chocolate cake: D
i love the bottom layer, it's crunchy!! i don't know what is it exactly. maybe a kind of biscuit.if you order their...hmm...i forgot what is it called. the 3 cups for RM15 set. one of them has the biscuit thing like this...actually i tihnk it is this cake just that it's in a cup and they give you a scoop of ice cream with it.

Bakerzin's CHEESE ICE CREAM ROCKS!!! i swear. it is goood: D i ate it once..and never had it again..always hear the "don't have today ma'am" or some kns reason -_-
blackforest was like....hur....the rum? i don't know what wine but the tatse was really strong!: D me like!! anything with alchohol me like!!!!: D:D: D not beer...T_T i only drink heineken. Laughs* and it's because i like their stupid "footbeer" ad(the ala 3oo beer+football ad in the cinemas)
oreo? cheese cake. the cheese was.....softsoftsoft!!: D: D i don't fancy cheesecake as much cause they always make me jelak and full after the i don't know how many bites which i feel very bohsong cause i like to eat varieties. this one is not jelak at all...how comes!? because of that i wanted to order another cake but mom just stuffed me up with her lemongrass tea -_-''