Life's Fragility

kill me please

1.hello. meet my long lost friends. wavewavewave* oh hello hiragana, katakana and kanji-_-!! it has been 3 months since i last saw you. how difficult you have grown! 1 hour to read, understand and learn the grammar for 1 paragraph of a short story that just consists of 4 paragraphs *FAINTS* and it's a love story for goodnesssake. i can't believe in 1 paragraph(so it's like what? 3-4 sentences?) it can fully explain how a girl thinks and feels when a relationship is not "confirmed". read edy aso heart and head pain-_-

and a 30 min convo session titling "how to bargain?" in Japanese. hahahaha :D

2."where you went?"
"my son."
"...? what are you babbling about?"


21 means club lar now? laughs* ahhh.. it has been a looooong time since i last clubbed. don't think i will survive inside now. the other day i just drank 1 glass of God knows what was it and i felt like sleeping already-_-'' maybe it's about time i just sit at home, eat ice-cream and snuggle with a book.

3.
"hello. brings. how may i help you?"
"hie! :D may i know what time you guys open?"
"12pm:)"
i was there from 10.50-11.50am. parking's up. so i left and tarpau-ed lunch for mummy. zzzz!! i want to buy that shoe! CAN A NOT?! ROAR*

4.
"hmm.ma, i go see doctor. my ear has been in pain since last 2 days."
"..again?! can you take bath nicely a not? always water go in one?!"
"..haha-_- sigh. ma poorer rm50 lor"
"you ownself ask for trouble wan. how old edy still don't know how to take bath nicely ar?"

"ms.bulat. 5 drops 3 times a day. rm25 please"
in my heart, i was like YES! cheaper!!! :D:D:D
at night, i put only 3 drops and the next day okay edy-_-
wathefishcakesauce. so indirectly that 3 drops was rm25....rm8.++ for one drop. blardy exp wei!!!!
rm8 = 8 McD ice-cream cones. so considering rm25 is 25 cones. that's like my one month's supply of everyday ice-cream dosage-_- indirectly if i wanna contra that rm25. i can't eat ice-cream for a month. this is horrible-_-

the closing chapter

there was only 2 things that were MAJOR to me in 2009.

no.1
it was an emotional roller coaster ride for me. i don't think i have cried so much over something so silly. time and time again i tell myself to be strong and i always lose half the battle-_- amazingly frustrating. i never thought i can lose myself like that. but 2010 is already right here and i shall be a strong lil girl!! wahahaha* evil laughter*

no.2
Oh. how can i forget this. (actually i did until suddenly ms.boob queen mentioned it) for the 1st time in my life (at the age of 24) i received a "FTL" (Friend Termination Letter) from a friend(who is 27) whom i used to be close with. i still can't believed it happened. it only made me recall STD 1 where everyone goes "i don't friend you" difference is that lasted 10 minutes. this lasted....like...foreverlar i suppose.

i think i shocked myself by not shedding a single tear over this and was actually extremely pissed over it. i have never gotten so pissed for a very long time. after much thoughts and calming sessions for my own good by myself, i just let it go. he wanted it so i decided as a (ex)friend i respect his decision. people say i did not fight for this friendship. some say it is his loss. some say it's my fault.

i seriously don't care (or more like i couldn't absorb anymore) what people had to say. in my opinion was it was a whole lot of misunderstandings that caused the letter. (esp. when he is the type that solves fights, i am the type that will avoid and prolly keep quiet so there would be less fights) in conjuction to that, we had minor disagreements that built up from past already. me keeping silent and him shooting directly (or sometimes vice versa) all at the wrong timings.

it was kinda sad to see this friendship go (for some people they felt really sad, for some...swt. not so) i personally could not bring myself to say sorry. i feel that if there is to be an apology session. it would be on both sides. if not it will never work and since it has been so long, even after the apology thing. i don't know how both of us will ever be like the last time.

on the other hand, i must say thank you to him. i cherish my current friends more. if that letter shed some light on how horrible i am as a friend, then i seriously truly thank the ones that have put up with my rubbish for many years and yet stay peace with me. i know i suck being a friend most of the time, but i do try and try to make up for every lil bit.

nevertheless, i hope he finds his the other half soon despite me "cursing" him saying that he will only get one when he turns 45. *laughs* and that his business continues to flourish like how he always wanted. dato' by 30.

i guess those 2 played a big part for 2009. nothing else was really worth mentioning. not like i suddenly grew a tail or conquered mt.Everest. sorrylarh, my life very dull one kakaka. yea, got other small significant stuffs daily that it's for me to know and remember, not for you to find out ever :D haha.

OH. HAHAHAHHA GOTLARH. GOT ONE MORE THING. MANY PREGNANCIES! OMG. 2010 will be filled with babies!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!! :D ROAR* baby shopping!! imma coming!!!

so fragile

today i went to visit ms.sexay chan's relative in Assunta.
she had a fall in the toilet and now she's under observation cause apparently her skull has a crack line causing the liquid in the brain and blood in the vein to mix together (okay my english and science sucks)

my maths lagi fail. so i can't come up with a simple formula on how it is. but you unlar. final result is she has like some temp. memory loss.

in an hour we were there, she asked about 8 times when is her grandfather coming. her mom answered patiently 8 times that her grandfather is in heaven and has been so since 95'. for 8 times after her mom's answer her face showed pain. like she was gonna burst into tears. however, the emotions last around 30 seconds and then repeats all over again when she asks the question.

it was so painful for me. so sad.

i was so shocked that lil' fall can make you lose urself as a person (indirectly)
robbing your memories, erasing(or confusing) what was supposedly made up of who you are today because of what you had gone through.

please be careful. esp. you ms.rockstarr.

p.s// okay. everyone convinced me that she will be fine and this memory loss thing is normal after having a concussion. still!!! don't wanna see anyone dear to me going through this-_- i'm a worrywart can a not?

i feel...

as long as you're happy together everyday.
nothing else really matters that much.
why is something so simple so hard to achieve?

hums a silent song*

i am supposed to be revising my heart out for this sunday’s jap exam.

but yet after all those chinese characters my mind drifted apart and my eyes settled on my newly bought stack of books. bought with my parent’s humble amount of money as a birthday present to me.
a few moments won’t hurt anyone, i thought to myself.
like an addiction. few words became a sentence. sentences turned into paragraphs. paragraphs became pages. pages to chapters. next thing i knew i was hooked.
hooked into this book.
it has been a long time since i read romance novels. i thought to myself after the last one that i have read.
life is too cruel. life is too grey. all these romance novels does nothing but makes life’s romance worse then it can be already.
it’s only making the real world look sad.
but i was tempted. so i bought and now i’m stuck. stuck with this book filled with love, hope, faith and fate
sigh*
chapter 5 i stopped. i placed the book in the depths of my cupboard. wishing time now will fly by cause i can’t wait to snuggle in bed on Sunday night, allowing the book to take me to that place. the place that i once upon a time believed in it.

randomness aside, having pizza tonight! oh how lovely it is not to be healthy! it's a sin and i'm a sinner. my dear lil tummy, forgive me.

my green friend

*laughs*
i feel nowadays casey is my laughing bag.
when i feel beh-tong, i punch him then he will make me laugh.
i feel so bad...hahah like misusing a friend-_-''
casey, if you're reading this, i'm sorry. fish, if you see this, i'm sorry to your boyfriend.
but i manymany grateful for it :)
xiexie~

self brainwashing on a bleah day

it's here (again....)

my mom say worse then war-_-
this one is a small one. i have a bigger one coming up in Dec. sniff*

update:
omg. before i left for class. i searched for my friend's notes that i have to return to her. biggest freak out of my life when i realized it was missing. i searched high and low-_- then i found it in my drawer where now i recalled putting it there for safekeeping cause it's not mine and i know how important it is to her considering it included important exchange letters she had with our previous teacher-_- see. when i safekeep i can't find. when i simply put aside, i know where it is exactly. what the crap.

loose screw

girls were built with an inborn program error.

tears will fall when you least expected, even though you don't want to, although you don't really know what's wrong sometimes.

it's tiring and frustrating but maybe that's why we are stronger in the end of the day and live to 105.

i felt it today

marathons in my life.

movie marathon was last few days.
these few days is baking marathon. mom's helping out some charity thing so it's a baking warzone in the kitchen! ROAR. imma smell like one big giant cookie.
i have 2 more 'marathons' this weekend.

sigh*
i want a ice-cream eating marathon T_T

lesson #243

when marathon in a cinema. remember to bite something the very least. or at least bite more.
cause food digest faster when it's cold and....congrats! gastric and a rock band stomach where everyone can hear cause jap shows are silent does nothing but give you pain and embarrassment *laughs*

3 things.

1. i have a lil blue whale. it's a soft toy. it's a magnet. wathe.
it's a lil magnet soft toy (or soft toy magnet) haha had it for manymany years. back in Sri KL when we had lockers during sec. school (felt so exciting and "mature!" haha) i bought it to decorate the locker that i shared with my dear mopiko. it was expensive that time. (hello. 10 years back?) now it resides on my fridge...........until i realized..or more like mom told me she gave it away yesterday while i was in Genting to her cousin's 5 year old daughter cause she wouldn't let it go-_-

sigh.
i felt soooooooooo sad. holds sentimental value wei.
actually although me and mom had a small fight over this. i wasn't angry that she gave away something so dear to me. it's more like.....at least let me have a freaking photo of it before you give it away can!?

so now i have to find a day to go to my "ku po's" house to take a picture of it to satisfy myself. BLeah.
impossible to get one outside. i bet on my life on this.

2. my dad laogais for ice-cream one. wathefoochookkkk.

"no you can't eat!!! you were coughing!"
"i where gotttttt", failed puppy eye look
"GOTLARRRRRRRHHHHH"
"NOOOO!!!!!"

mom screamed, "JUST GIVE HIM IF NOT TONIGHT I KICK HIM TO YOUR ROOM! I WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP!"

...-_- what is thislarh. tell me please.

3. my brother's friends just invited me to go makanmakan with them this saturday, some hot plate dinner....behind my brother's back ...on MSN...just cause i asked one of his friend when can bring us go Cameron kaikai-_- next thing i knew, the chatbox was filled with 3 more kakis...and arh...on going random topics of Cameron dates and good food. watheunagisauce. haha

sumimasen

in case you forgot how i look :D

haha

just reformatted the comp. *sigh* 7 hours wei-_- super giler.

my "hubby" codypop helped me backup, reinstall, download ectectc., brought whiskey to drink, bought junk food to munch and how did i repay him?

by borrowing him yugioh comics-_-

it's 6am now and i am gonna cont rushing my work.

sighx2.

no choice.

slow updates.

have been busy handling stuffs lately cause mom is gonna be away soon so i have to take over her place -_- i seriously don't know how am i gonna handle it but family business means family so... *laughs*

have so much to update T_T bear with me ~

i'm gonna miss my bra

they say all good things must sometimes come to an end. if the old don't go. how would the new come? but then again, i'm a sentimental old fart. once i cling, i cling. i don't know is it supposed to be a good thing or bad thing but one thing's for sure, this has given me quite a number of heartaches that argh* for a person with STML (short term memory loss) some things are stuck to your mind like super glue whether you like it a not.

sigh*

seriously i never learn sometimes.

almost 24/7

so what do you think?

funny how sometimes to advise another it just takes this amount of effort.

---

but to actually carry out the same advise onto your self. the amount of effort is like

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:D

wathesouplarhs.

me time

it has been a long time since i did this.

i hopped into the car despite my mom making noise (so to calm her down, i lied bout my destination and made it up to her by banking in cheques) and drove to my once upon a time sanctuary.

gazed at the once familiar menu that now has gone through makeover and randomly ordered 2 flavours out of the whole lot.


raspberry chocolate and raspberry :D

actually the waitress got the flavours wrong but she looks new and i think the last thing she needs is a complain-_-''

disciplined myself to actually finish my jap homework so i don't have to rush them on Saturday, 2 hours before class starts. rushing only made me hate the language-_- so i better stop doing it.



while sitting there, i was texting ms.alcho rockstarr the whole time bout a not so decent topic while discussing our weekend plan, watching couples, families and friends drift in and out of the shop, trying to complete the homework without the help of my electronic dictionary, sipped my tea whenever my toes got cold, wiggle my feet together when the tea wasn't helping, went to the loo numerous times cause i am the queen of pee-_-, smiled unconsciously many times to the new waitress ( i hope i did not scare herlarh ahaha) and was trying not to hum too loudly together with whatever was being played.



surprised that i finished my homework wayyyyyyyyyyyy earlier then expected, ran out in the drizzle rain, grabbed my unfinished loan book from ms.alcho rockstarr (now you guys know what i do when there's a red light as well other den sms-ing haha) and continued reading while kiamsiaply refilling the pot of tea with hot water (which is called Queen Tea in the menu :D) until it ran out of taste and colour.

rushed back home at 11+pm cause promised mom i will be home by then if not no more late nights for me...OR...she will just change the house padlock so i have to sleep outside-_-

no way jo'se.

but of course, must grab this one the way home :D


grabbed one for mom also lar and brother's ex but looks like current again*laughs*

life's fat and good sometimes :D

Oh rain! time to sleep *heh heh*