Monday, January 4, 2010

the closing chapter

there was only 2 things that were MAJOR to me in 2009.

it was an emotional roller coaster ride for me. i don't think i have cried so much over something so silly. time and time again i tell myself to be strong and i always lose half the battle-_- amazingly frustrating. i never thought i can lose myself like that. but 2010 is already right here and i shall be a strong lil girl!! wahahaha* evil laughter*

Oh. how can i forget this. (actually i did until suddenly ms.boob queen mentioned it) for the 1st time in my life (at the age of 24) i received a "FTL" (Friend Termination Letter) from a friend(who is 27) whom i used to be close with. i still can't believed it happened. it only made me recall STD 1 where everyone goes "i don't friend you" difference is that lasted 10 minutes. this i suppose.

i think i shocked myself by not shedding a single tear over this and was actually extremely pissed over it. i have never gotten so pissed for a very long time. after much thoughts and calming sessions for my own good by myself, i just let it go. he wanted it so i decided as a (ex)friend i respect his decision. people say i did not fight for this friendship. some say it is his loss. some say it's my fault.

i seriously don't care (or more like i couldn't absorb anymore) what people had to say. in my opinion was it was a whole lot of misunderstandings that caused the letter. (esp. when he is the type that solves fights, i am the type that will avoid and prolly keep quiet so there would be less fights) in conjuction to that, we had minor disagreements that built up from past already. me keeping silent and him shooting directly (or sometimes vice versa) all at the wrong timings.

it was kinda sad to see this friendship go (for some people they felt really sad, for some...swt. not so) i personally could not bring myself to say sorry. i feel that if there is to be an apology session. it would be on both sides. if not it will never work and since it has been so long, even after the apology thing. i don't know how both of us will ever be like the last time.

on the other hand, i must say thank you to him. i cherish my current friends more. if that letter shed some light on how horrible i am as a friend, then i seriously truly thank the ones that have put up with my rubbish for many years and yet stay peace with me. i know i suck being a friend most of the time, but i do try and try to make up for every lil bit.

nevertheless, i hope he finds his the other half soon despite me "cursing" him saying that he will only get one when he turns 45. *laughs* and that his business continues to flourish like how he always wanted. dato' by 30.

i guess those 2 played a big part for 2009. nothing else was really worth mentioning. not like i suddenly grew a tail or conquered mt.Everest. sorrylarh, my life very dull one kakaka. yea, got other small significant stuffs daily that it's for me to know and remember, not for you to find out ever :D haha.

OH. HAHAHAHHA GOTLARH. GOT ONE MORE THING. MANY PREGNANCIES! OMG. 2010 will be filled with babies!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!! :D ROAR* baby shopping!! imma coming!!!

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